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Showing posts from November, 2017

Christian Pulisic and Gordon Lightfoot and Revierderby Woes

Hey Pulisic fans,

Man, what a rough stretch it's been. First this happened:
New post (Christian Pulisic scratched from Dortmund squad with muscle injury) has been published on Fifa World Cup - https://t.co/ClVnwexzE9pic.twitter.com/pA8n70KV3S — FIFA Events (@FIFA_Events) November 25, 2017 Then, Pulisic missed the next game against Tottenham, a game that didn't really matter as far as standings went but was huge for team morale. And guess what, CHA BOI (me) WAS AT THAT GAME!

Yes, Pulisic fans, I actually went to a game. In Dortmund. I actually went to the city of Dortmund, and I actually had a ticket to the Borussia Dortmund vs. Tottenham game, and I actually went to the stadium, and I actually sat in a seat, and my eyes actually took in the game and the Yellow Wall and the fanfare and all of it.

But, of course, Dortmund lost. And Pulisic didn't play.



Luckily Pulisic was back for the Revierderby against Schalke, as evidenced here:
👇 Hier ist der Beweis! #LTpic.twitter.…

Thank God the international break is over

Man, Dortmund goes on international break, I can't watch Pulisic for two weeks, and my life goes to shambles. A few things that happened (note: Not all are bad. I mean, I'm chilling in Europe. Last night I walked around mildly drunk on rosé in a town known for its medicinal spring waters):

1) Dortmund loses to Bayern Munich and goes on international break

2) I fly to Copenhagen two days later, spend a shit ton of money and smoke a shit ton of cigarettes and drink a shit ton of beers. I try to touch the leg of the girl I'm staying with who, at least at one point, I was pretty sure liked me, and she says, "What are you doing?"

3) Had dinner with ex-girlfriend in Berlin

4) Slept in same bed as different ex-girlfriend in Berlin (nothing happened. I must note here that this girl is awesome and I'm so glad we've rekindled our friendship. The few days with her and her brother in Berlin have been the best part of this trip by far).

5) Took a bus to Prague

6) Dru…

Cha boi (me) in Europe

I have tremendous news: 
Cha boi (me), is going to see cha boi (Christian Pulisic) play in a champions league game between Borussia Dortmund and Tottenham Hotspurs on November 21st, in Dortmund.
Maybe you didn’t know this, but cha boi (me) is now in Europe. Cha boi went to Copenhagen, smoked a bunch of cigs and drank a bunch of beers and spent a bunch of money, before going to Berlin and getting his head straight. Now cha boi has his head on right straight, and is going to Prague and then Karlovy Vary and then back into Germany for the game. Cha boi has a bit of time to kill.
I know I whine about this pretty much every post, but I’m a little worried cha boi (back to Christian Pulisic now) won’t start in the CL match against Tottenham. Cha boi will almost DEFINITELY start against Stuttgart this Friday, and we all know cha Bosz likes to rotate his wingers. Does cha Bosz go to sleep every night dreaming about rotating wingers? About squandering talent? About mono (uni?) dextrous Ukraini…

Why Christian Pulisic needs to start against Bayern Munich tomorrow (and why he probably won't)

For the last four or five Dortmund games (with the exception of Magdeburg) I've been tempted to say, "This is the most important game of the season so far." Saturday's game against FC Bayern Munich is no different, and quite possibly the most important potential start (or no start) for American soccer phenom Christian Pulisic, aka the Man Child from Hershey, aka Cha Boi, aka Slice 'n Dice, aka Man's Not Hot, aka the Worthy Winger, aka the Man with the Most Dribbles, aka Mr. Dab, aka I'm Just a Teenage Schwarzgelb, aka Shake 'n Bake, aka Harry Potter and the Aubameyang's Stone, aka Cross my Heart and Hope to Stepover, aka Old Enough for Trouble Too Young to Care, etc. etc.

Why is this the most important potential start for Christian Pulisic? Because Peter Bosz has yet to iron out a regular starting 11. Because when you're 19 you need to feel like your coach believes in you and ever since the arrival of Andrey "Back Heel" Yarmolenko, …

What to do when Dortmund plays like a steaming pile of dog shit (an exercise in expletives)

Jesus fucking shit what a fucking game yesterday vs. Apoel Nicosia. The first half was pretty good. Dortmund dominated. But mother of fucking shit was the second half a huge pile of horse shit with a little steaming turd of dog shit on top. And the dog shit was probably runny.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS DORTMUND DOING IN THE SECOND HALF?

It was a complete fucking regression. They were doing that thing where they throw their hands in the air like, "Waaaaaaa, I don't know who to fucking pass to. I don't know how to play soccer. I just wanna go sit in the locker room and cry." WHAT THE FUCK?????

And then that fucking goal from fucking Apoel piece of Cypriot shit Nicosia. Jesus. Dortmund defends well and then on ONE FUCKING PLAY -- one fucking play! -- the team decides to go into a coma and Michael or whatever the fuck his name is Pote makes Dortmund look like a bunch of 8-year-olds.

Pulisic actually played pretty well. He had a perfect cross to Aubameyang that Aubameyang hit of…

Dortmund vs. Apoel Nicosia pt. 2, Pulisic probably on the bench

Friends, I have some disappointing news: Christian Pulisic probably won't start today in Dortmund's home Champions League match vs. Cypriot bantamweights Apoel Nicosia. Why do I think this? Simple: because Here Bosz has been rotating the forwards, much to the chagrin of Pulisic fans and sane people all over the world. The thing is, Yarmolenko and Philipp have been scoring goals. But other than that, they haven't been doing much. They haven't been playing defense and I would argue that their intangibles, like passion, have been far inferior to Pulisic's. The problem with Bosz's constant rotation, and not just of the wingers but also with pretty much everyone else, is that a regular starting 11 can't gel, can't get comfortable playing together.

Now, MUCH has been said about the causes of BVB's October woes, and I'll quickly give my two cents. One, it's not having a regular starting 11. Two, and this may be the MOST IMPORTANT ONE OF ALL, it…