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Is Florian Kohfeldt Clinically Insane?

Question: How many of you wake up in the morning wondering the following: Is Florian Kohfeldt clinically insane? I say this because he's seemed to take a very disturbing stance. That stance is, "I have one of the best strikers in the world, the best American striker to have ever lived, and thus access to THE biggest emerging market in football, and yet...I'm not going to play him. And not only am I not going to play him...I'm going to the taunt the world with the prospect that I will play him, only to continually back out at the last second."

And so, I ask again: Is Florian Kohfeldt clinically insane?

I wanted to move to Bremen. Before I came to Vienna, Austria, on an unseasonably warm day back in October, I actually wanted to go to Bremen. And the reason I want to go to Bremen was simple: Josh Sargent. But then I started looking for language schools. And I couldn't find any (or at least any that sounded good). So I gave up on the idea of going to Bremen, an…
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What's the guy saying to Pulisic here?

🛫 Ready for departure.

Nächstes Ziel: Stuttgart. — Borussia Dortmund (@BVB) 19. Oktober 2018
OK, so I've watched this video about 60 times and can't figure out what the dude says to Christian when he gives him his ticket. Sounds kinda like "Gut, danke" but that would be a bit ridiculous. Definitely not "Gute Reise." I'm stumped. Native German speakers I need you. 

Get Out in the Sun

So here's the deal. Im gonna try to be as succinct as possible, which will be impossible because this subject gets me kinda fired up. Whats the subject? Listen, will you just slow down a second. I just met you. This is moving too fast. And thats obviously a personal question. Everything written on this blog is personal. For example, I had a date the other night with a girl named Elle. We walked around the center of Vienna, and then we got tea. There was a magnetic connection between us in that there was almost no connection between us. Did I make her laugh? Obviously. I can usually make girls laugh. Did we have a baby? Not yet.

Sorry I blacked out for a second there. Where were we. I was talking about my life. Yes. As if you were interested. Its a gorgeous day here in Vienna. The sun is....shining. And Im in an internet cafe, listening to the Lord of the Rings sountrack. Dont ask why. I dont even like the lord of the rings movies. But I do like classical music, and this is some r…

Indigestion, Weston McKennie Is a God, and Torn Calf Fibers

Hello friends and lovers,

And welcome to another rambling post from yours truly, Mark Thomas, dictator for life here at Straight Outta Hershey, the only damn blog in the damn universe dedicated to the one and only Christian Pulisic.

So I'm sitting in my Airbnb in Vienna, Austria right now, drinking a Turkish tea that the girl whose apartment this is made. Of course it's making me feel nauseous since I'm drinking it on an empty stomach. And now I've just switched the keyboard over to US English, which means the y and z keys are back where they're supposed to be, and this is contributing to my upset stomach. To top it all off I have dandruff. And my stomach is messed up from a weird doner I ate the other day. Or possibly some Tom Kha Gai soup. I'm not sure which one. But I'm in Vienna, and today I start level B1.2 of my intensive German course. Hell yeah. Intensive German. I hope there are some cuties in my class. I've sent about 20 messages on okcupid a…

Match Preview: Dortmund vs. Monaco, Champions League Bash, Pulisic Due, Who the hell is Michael Bradley?


Today's post will be a little different, as I will not only be commenting on Wednesday's Champions League extravaganza between Borussia Dortmund (all hail their name) and Monaco, but also the upcoming USMNT friendlies Christian Pulisic is slated to participate in, along with some bald guy who's not very good at soccer.
Christian Pulisic is back on the new USMNT roster—and so are Michael Bradley and Brad Guzan — Grant Wahl (@GrantWahl) October 1, 2018 I don't want to go into this too much, so that's all I'm going to say: Michael Bradley is a kook. He's been the worst USMNT player for a long time. He's one of the key reasons the USMNT has been bad over the last six or so years. And now they're bringing him back? Good one, Dave Sarachan. Really showing you know something about the game. Good one, US Soccer. Why don't we bring back Jozy Altidore too, then? And Clint Dempsey? And Landon Donovan? Why don't we play…

Player Ratings: Borussia Dortmund vs. Bayer Leverkusen (4-2)

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 Hello everybody! Hello Pulisic fans! Hello Jadon Sancho fans! Hello Marco Reus fans! Marius Wolf fans, you can find a different website, because there is nothing for you here! Mario Gotze fans, I wish there was something for you here, but because Lucien Favre seems to have some kind of vendetta against the metabolism problem-plagued Gotze, there's nothing for you here, either.

Whew. Let's get to the ratings.

Actually, first though, let's talk about my upcoming flight to VIENNA, AUSTRIA. I've put that in caps because I'm so damned excited. I'm going to be studying intensive German for TWO MONTHS! In a city I've NEVER BEEN TO BEFORE. Right next to SLOVAKIA! And HUNGARY!

God, Hungary girls look beautiful.

Anyway, now to the ratings. Actually though first what I REALLY wanted to comment about was how I'm flying Swiss Airways to Vienna and I really, really want to somehow upgrade to business or first class. I know the chances of this…

Dortmund Thrill vs. Leverkusen, Pulisic Not So Much

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Dortmund played Bayer Leverkusen today in Leverkusen in the most exciting match of matchday six. I didn't know how to feel about it, however, much like I don't know how I feel about this blog moving to I really don't like Wordpress themes. They all look the same. They're all ugly. And so I think I might be going back to Blogger. Hopefully you will follow me there. The reason I didn't know how to feel about today's game was because even though the game was thrilling, and Dortmund came from behind, and from a Dortmund fan perspective the game was a 10 out of 10, from a Pulisic fan perspective it was a bit of a letdown because not only did he not play that well, he was also was subbed off in the 60th minute. And so I felt kind of how a dad might feel if he was watching his son's violin concert, making eyes with the cute mom of the girl who plays the cello from across the aisle. On the one hand it's titillating, I mig…