Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from December, 2017

Christian Pulisic's Christmas Present to the World

It's 3:52pm here in Western Washington State, and I'm wondering: What the hell am I going to do for the next THREE WEEKS until I get to watch Pulisic and Borussia Dortmund again.

Well, I figure only a week of it will be really bad. For example, tomorrow is El clásico, Sunday I need to do some more Xmas shopping, then there's Xmas Eve and Xmas, I work the day after Xmas a bit, then a few down days, and.....Jesus, OK it's gonna be at least two tough weeks. Which is why I might have to get the hell out of dodge again.  Maybe go down to MEH-hee-ko.

But enough about me. It's time to look back on the first half of the Hinrunde.

It all started with this:


Jesus. One of the finer strikes of the season. Also, what a beautiful from (I think) Zagadou. And what a beautiful first touch from Aubameyang. Oh, how I long for the days of August. When the air was warm and the girls were walking around wearing basically nothing. Back when I was young and innocent.

Christian didn't…

This is Your Brain on Der Klassiker

I'd like to write about Der Klassiker tomorrow between Borussia Dortmund and Bayern Munich, but I'm a little distracted by this video:



The question, of course, is the following: Is this the best song of all time? And when I say all time I mean in all of recorded history, including Mozart and Beethoven and the song "One Night in Bangkok."

And the answer: I think "yes."

Anyway, Der Klassiker tomorrow. I will be doing player ratings for this game, so I'm sure all of the players will be trying their hardest to not have a low rating.

The first question I have about this game is: Will Andrey Yarmolenko start on the right? And if the answer is "yes," then I have a second question: Why? Why start him on the right when you could start a guy who does this:
Here’s Christian Pulisic’s game-winning goal for #BVB. Absolutely incredible touch on the flick. https://t.co/Y9W8K0YVaU — Jack Grimse (@JackGrimse) December 16, 2017
But anyway I actually don't …

Pulisic needs to score, I need to get a job

Hi, friends. I'm tired. I flew back from Germany the other day and am still adjusting. I saw Pulisic in person at the Dortmund Mainz game, in Mainz. It was incredible. He was about 40 feet away from me. And then Dortmund won.
Here's Pulisic knifing through four defenders and slipping Kagawa into the box for a great chance pic.twitter.com/Q5bVimFnrd — Scuffed (@zlebmada) December 6, 2017

And tomorrow, of course, Dortmund play Hoffenheim at home. I wrote a preview for this game on Fear the Wall and I'm a little ashamed of it. Feel like I was trying too hard. But that's natural when you just start writing for a publication. You want to impress. And in my case, you want people to laugh. The key is to not try TOO hard.

I will also be tweeting the game for Fear the Wall tomorrow if any of you would like to follow along.

But wow, Christian Pulisic. US male soccer player of the year! Not that there was anyone else remotely in the runnings. I would be curious to know who the o…

Mainz v. Dortmund Without Bosz: A Preview

I've been freaking out the last two days because I'm probably going to start writing for one of the big BVB fan sites, and I'm terrified I'm going to screw it up and write dogshit articles. See, that's the beauty of Straight Outta Hershey. I'm dictator for life here. I can write whatever I want an no one can veto it or edit it because I am the editor. I am the writer and also the editor, creative director, number one fan, etc.

But anyway, let's start talking about the Mainz v. Dortmund game that will be happening tomorrow evening at the Opel Arena in Mainz and which cha boi (me) will be attending in the flesh and/or blood. I'm a little bummed the game is at 8:30pm because that means I'll be getting home late, train connections might be dicey, and I won't get much sleep before flying to Dallas the next day and back to Seattle. Because, as of Wednesday, cha boi (still me) will be Stateside. As usual, I'm pretty stoked. Gonna get a job, gonnna…

Pulisic Makes Bryan Ruiz Look like a Nerd

Friends, friends, friends. I made it to Germany. I'm drinking instant coffee in my Air Bnb which is just a hop skip and a triple jump away from the illustrious city of Mainz, where Dortmund will be playing next Tuesday. I'm excited. Barring injury (tap on wood; chainsaw), Pulisic SHOULD PLAY IN THIS GAME. He might not start. But he should at least play. Though lately he's been STARTING EVERY DAMN GAME because he's a FUCKING ANIMAL.

AHSDJFJADSKFJDASKFJDSFKDSJFKDSJFDKJD.

(I don't handle caffeine well).

Quick side note: This Air Bnb is amazing. This town is amazing. My German is about an A2/B1 but I've spoken only German since I've gotten here, since the hostess is from Kosovo and doesn't speak English and the other tenant is a Turkish girl whose English is probably about as good as my German but I've been pushing the German pretty hard because I gotta speak it.

Other side note: One of my blog posts has over 100 views. Two of them actually. Who are yo…

Pulisic Dribbles vs. Real Madrid, and, I'M GOING TO ANOTHER GAME!

After the game last night against Real Madrid in which Borussia Dortmund lost 3-2, people were just a little -- a little -- on Christian Pulisic's nuts about some of the amazing dribbles he made.  Pulisic gliding past 3 Real defenders like it's nothing. #bvbpic.twitter.com/zTonXR530t — Matt Waldoch (@ratatattatmatt) December 6, 2017 He did play well, but unfortunately none of his dribbles led to anything. That's been a theme this season: He's had many amazing dribbles, but most of them haven't led to assist or goals (and besides the USMNT I don't know if any of them have led to goals).

But it will come. You can only beat so many defenders and deliver so many good passes before you or your teammates start to find the back of the net.

Other impressions from last night game:

Though Dortmund looked their usual selves during the first 15 minutes, they did play some great football for at least 30 min. of the game. Kagawa was, at times, masterful. Schmelzer's int…

Leverkusen vs. Dortmund Preview: Pulisic is Due

Tomorrow is the day Dortmund are finally going to turn it all around. Why? Because Peter Bosz is basically going to get sacked no matter what, because nobody expects anything from Dortmund anymore, because people expect the world out of Bayer Leverkusen given their record at home, and for a number of other reasons. And I might as well give you those reasons: Gotze is out injured, Aubameyang is going to miss the game with a red card, Marc Bartra apparently doesn't know how to play defense, and Dortmund has played horrible second halves lately while Bayer have played incredible second halves. I think that's about it.

All of this has coincided with what one article called a "curse" for Pulisic that's existed since the US failed to qualify for the World Cup. I have just one thing to say about that: Fuck the World Cup. For now. The US was such a bad team, with so many underperforming players, that it was awful to watch them and they didn't deserve to go to the Wo…