Skip to main content

Christian Pulisic's Christmas Present to the World

It's 3:52pm here in Western Washington State, and I'm wondering: What the hell am I going to do for the next THREE WEEKS until I get to watch Pulisic and Borussia Dortmund again.

Well, I figure only a week of it will be really bad. For example, tomorrow is El clásico, Sunday I need to do some more Xmas shopping, then there's Xmas Eve and Xmas, I work the day after Xmas a bit, then a few down days, and.....Jesus, OK it's gonna be at least two tough weeks. Which is why I might have to get the hell out of dodge again.  Maybe go down to MEH-hee-ko.

But enough about me. It's time to look back on the first half of the Hinrunde.

It all started with this:


Jesus. One of the finer strikes of the season. Also, what a beautiful from (I think) Zagadou. And what a beautiful first touch from Aubameyang. Oh, how I long for the days of August. When the air was warm and the girls were walking around wearing basically nothing. Back when I was young and innocent.

Christian didn't score again for a month, until this happened:


And then what happened? And then came the dark days of Bosz. Dortmund slipped into a deep, dark hole. This coincided with the days becoming noticeably shorter in the northern hemisphere, the first cold spells rolling through. Bosz proved the age-old (or at least Einstein old) axiom to be true: "The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect different results."

High line gets beat?

Play the high line again.

High line gets beat?

Play the high line again.

Over and over and over. Dortmund was on the age of mutiny. Surely it would've happened had the powers not be stepped in and brought in a fresh-faced 51-year-old Austrian named Peter Stoger.

Two games later, this happened:

Because I have no time constraints, I'm going to analyze this goal a little more in-depth.

It starts, for example, with Mahmoud Dahoud NOT making a back pass but rather looking to be more attack-minded. This is one reason Dahoud needs to get more playing time. Dortmund has enough passive players, enough players content to make back passes. Dahoud is running away from the Hoffenheim goal but then turns left 90 degrees and finds Shinji Kagawa.

Next, Kagawa hits a good ball, but let's be honest, it should've been cleared. Steven Zuber, of the Hoffenheim back line, gets a foot on it, but it is sort of stumbling backward, and doesn't get enough of it.

The comes the touch. The beautiful touch with the right foot that says to the goalkeeper, "What is it like to be human? I can only tell you what it's like to be divine." The ball seems to hang in mid-air for a moment as Pulisic dances around the keeper. In this moment, where the ball is hanging in mid-air, whole lifetimes are lived out. A woman becomes pregnant after years of trying. A soldier returns his family after years overseas. Civilizations collapse and are rebuilt again. Wars are fought. Stars implode. The universe expands, contracts, and then expands again.

And after all of this has happened, a left foot rises from the ground to meet the ball, and tap it into the net.

Game over.

Dortmund wins.

Merry Christmas.

So that was it for the first half of the 2017/18 Bundesliga season. Or, better put, that was it for 2017. Will I get a better Christmas present this Christmas? I doubt it.



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Leverkusen vs. Dortmund Preview: Pulisic is Due

Tomorrow is the day Dortmund are finally going to turn it all around. Why? Because Peter Bosz is basically going to get sacked no matter what, because nobody expects anything from Dortmund anymore, because people expect the world out of Bayer Leverkusen given their record at home, and for a number of other reasons. And I might as well give you those reasons: Gotze is out injured, Aubameyang is going to miss the game with a red card, Marc Bartra apparently doesn't know how to play defense, and Dortmund has played horrible second halves lately while Bayer have played incredible second halves. I think that's about it.

All of this has coincided with what one article called a "curse" for Pulisic that's existed since the US failed to qualify for the World Cup. I have just one thing to say about that: Fuck the World Cup. For now. The US was such a bad team, with so many underperforming players, that it was awful to watch them and they didn't deserve to go to the Wo…

Pulisic needs to score, I need to get a job

Hi, friends. I'm tired. I flew back from Germany the other day and am still adjusting. I saw Pulisic in person at the Dortmund Mainz game, in Mainz. It was incredible. He was about 40 feet away from me. And then Dortmund won.
Here's Pulisic knifing through four defenders and slipping Kagawa into the box for a great chance pic.twitter.com/Q5bVimFnrd — Scuffed (@zlebmada) December 6, 2017

And tomorrow, of course, Dortmund play Hoffenheim at home. I wrote a preview for this game on Fear the Wall and I'm a little ashamed of it. Feel like I was trying too hard. But that's natural when you just start writing for a publication. You want to impress. And in my case, you want people to laugh. The key is to not try TOO hard.

I will also be tweeting the game for Fear the Wall tomorrow if any of you would like to follow along.

But wow, Christian Pulisic. US male soccer player of the year! Not that there was anyone else remotely in the runnings. I would be curious to know who the o…