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The Only Blog Devoted to Christian Pulisic

Guys, I have to admit something, and I don't think you're going to like it: I don't Google Pulisic that much anymore. I used to Google him at least 5-10 times a day. But now every time I Google him the same shit comes up: transfer rumors. And I don't want to hear about Pulisic transfer rumors. I just want to read about what Christian Pulisic does when he actually touches the ball. Because that's the purest thing about being a Pulisic fan, watching him straight beat someone one on one, or one on two, or one on four.

Apparently it hasn't been happening a lot lately. I haven't gotten to watch the games in their entirety since I've been working. And I could go back and watch them in their entirety on same ghetto-ass Russian site, but it's tough when you already know what the score is and who scored the goals and at exactly what time. So I've missed Dortmund games lately. Which is messed up. I feel like I'm cheating on the team or something. Everything's happening so fast, with Marco Reus back and Andre Schurrle somehow playing well and new players, it's like when you're dating someone and they go away on a study abroad and they come back and you barely recognize them. But who's changed? Have I changed? Did they change? Aren't we all changing, all of the time?

Dortmund play Atalanta Bergamo on Thursday at 2:05pm Guadalajara time, and I have to watch that game because I'm scheduled to write about it for Fear the Wall. Obviously I also want to watch it, but I have to watch that game closely, take notes, be attentive. Hopefully pulisic plays. There has been some talk lately about his "poor form," but, um, what about this:

I'm confused. Is this poor form? Does that ball have eyes? Was that ball just guided by someone at the fucking Pentagon between a menagerie of defenders right onto Michy Batshuayi's foot?

Also, what to make of this stat:

Again, I'm confused. Usually being at the top of a list of things like dribbles completed is a good thing. But maybe I'm missing something here. Maybe Christian Pulisic is actually terrible, or maybe people are just completely bat shit crazy.

Granted, I know there are more aspects to the game. He has to score goals. And also it's important to note how many dribbles are attempted, not just completed.

But still.

Can't we just make Pulisic king of the US already? I know we don't have a king, but can we change that, too? I think it's time we had a bit of monarchy, and I think the 19-year-old marksman would be just the guy.

But that's all for now. Time to lay low until the Europa League on Thursday. Time to ruminate. Marinate. Salivate. Percolate.

It's good to be back writing for SOOH. Still the best (and only) blog devoted entirely to CP. 


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Man, what a rough stretch it's been. First this happened:
New post (Christian Pulisic scratched from Dortmund squad with muscle injury) has been published on Fifa World Cup - — FIFA Events (@FIFA_Events) November 25, 2017 Then, Pulisic missed the next game against Tottenham, a game that didn't really matter as far as standings went but was huge for team morale. And guess what, CHA BOI (me) WAS AT THAT GAME!

Yes, Pulisic fans, I actually went to a game. In Dortmund. I actually went to the city of Dortmund, and I actually had a ticket to the Borussia Dortmund vs. Tottenham game, and I actually went to the stadium, and I actually sat in a seat, and my eyes actually took in the game and the Yellow Wall and the fanfare and all of it.

But, of course, Dortmund lost. And Pulisic didn't play.

Luckily Pulisic was back for the Revierderby against Schalke, as evidenced here:
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All of this has coincided with what one article called a "curse" for Pulisic that's existed since the US failed to qualify for the World Cup. I have just one thing to say about that: Fuck the World Cup. For now. The US was such a bad team, with so many underperforming players, that it was awful to watch them and they didn't deserve to go to the Wo…

Dortmund vs. Hannover preview, Should Pulisic replace Angela Merkel as chancellor of Germany?

Hello Pulisic Fans,

And welcome to the Straight Outta Hershey official preview for the Bundesliga Matchday 10 game between Hannover 96 and Borussia Dortmund. Today's preview will focus heavily on three things: 1) What will happen in the game, 2) What will happen with Christian Pulisic, and 3) Am I moving to Germany?

But first, let's start with a GIF: It's been a quiet half for Christian Pulisic so far, but here is a gif of him faking out 2 #SGE players. — GolazoJuice (@GolazoJuice) October 21, 2017 I'll give you a moment to collect your jaws off the floor or get the urine out of your boxers or whatever it is you need to do, and then we'll move forward.


Good. What's so special about this GIF? The fact that it's really not that special. Pulisic does this kind of stuff all the time. And I love to use italics because they make things so much more dramatic.

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