Skip to main content

Dortmund vs. Hannover preview, Should Pulisic replace Angela Merkel as chancellor of Germany?

Hello Pulisic Fans,

And welcome to the Straight Outta Hershey official preview for the Bundesliga Matchday 10 game between Hannover 96 and Borussia Dortmund. Today's preview will focus heavily on three things: 1) What will happen in the game, 2) What will happen with Christian Pulisic, and 3) Am I moving to Germany?

But first, let's start with a GIF:
I'll give you a moment to collect your jaws off the floor or get the urine out of your boxers or whatever it is you need to do, and then we'll move forward.


Good. What's so special about this GIF? The fact that it's really not that special. Pulisic does this kind of stuff all the time. And I love to use italics because they make things so much more dramatic.

But let's get away from Pulisic for just a moment and talk about Borussia Dortmund as a whole. How are they doing? What do they need to improve on? How does the outlook for the next few games look? Will I marry a German girl and spend the rest of my days gardening and eating vollkorn bread?

First of all, the defense, and Peter Bosz's "system," is still displaying massive problems, which could easily be seen in the last games against Leipzig, Apoel Nicosia, and Frankfurt. Did BVB play better against Magdeburg? Maybe. I only watched the first half where they were playing fairly awfully, but it sounds like they got their act together in the second half. People say the game was intense, that Magdeburg is good, and blah blah blah, but let's be real, Magdeburg is a 3rd division team. How much can you really take away from this victory? Results have shown the following: Bosz's system works against crappy teams, and gets destroyed by the good ones. Will he continue to pound a square peg into a round hole against Hannover, Apoel, and Bayern? Will he make changes? Or will the return of players like Schmelzer and Gueirrero make those changes not necessary? Hannover should be very, very telling. But, of course, the match against Bayern on November 4th will be even more telling. Dortmund has failed every "test" so far, against Tottenham, Real Madrid, and most recently against Leipzig.

Now, onto Pulisic. Deep breath, because I get excited and there's so much to talk about and I don't even know what to do or what to say and I'm wearing a BVB shirt right now but it's kinda dirty and I just drank some tea and I'm hyperventilating and oh god oh god will Pulisic start against Hannover and will he finally score again or dribble past some people and score or get an assist and will Auba finally finish one of Pulisic's beautiful passes and what is the meaning of life and what should I seek in this life and why are things so complicated and should I just go to Germany or should I actually move there and should I get tickets to the Tottenham game on November 21st?


Let's look at another Pulisic GIF and regroup:

OK, so, the official Bundesliga website predicts Pulisic will start alongside Aubameyang and Yarmolenko, but they've gotten pretty much every lineup prediction wrong so far. However, I don't think they'll get this one wrong, since Pulisic didn't start in the last game. Which means he'll either start up on the left in place of Philipp, or up on the right in place of Yarmolenko. What I would LOVE to see Bosz do, and I've spoken of this before, is play Pulisic in a central role, where he's proven deadly. But will Bosz do this? Doubtful.

(Pulisic being deadly in the middle):

What would I like to see from Pulisic in this game? I would like to see him be even more attack minded, and even more selfish. I know some people have a problem with Pulisic when he tries to take on three or four defenders and gives the ball up, and I understand that. When I say selfish I mean taking shots. Pulisic has had the ball on the outside of the 18 countless times this year, and he almost always looks for the pass. What I would like to see him do is take that last step and let it rip (which he has done a couple times, of course). I don't want him to be as selfish as Cristiano Ronaldo, but hey, let's face it, the best goal scorers are pretty selfish.

Predictions? I think it will be a bit like the Magdeburg game. I think BVB will start off a bit slow but then the first goal will open the floodgates. Aubameyang needs to be on his game, and hopefully his recent rest will encourage that. Final score? 4-1, Dortmund.

But for now I have to stop typing. And I also have to pee.

That black tea goes right through you, you know.

See you on Saturday after the match.


Popular posts from this blog

Christian Pulisic and Gordon Lightfoot and Revierderby Woes

Hey Pulisic fans,

Man, what a rough stretch it's been. First this happened:
New post (Christian Pulisic scratched from Dortmund squad with muscle injury) has been published on Fifa World Cup - — FIFA Events (@FIFA_Events) November 25, 2017 Then, Pulisic missed the next game against Tottenham, a game that didn't really matter as far as standings went but was huge for team morale. And guess what, CHA BOI (me) WAS AT THAT GAME!

Yes, Pulisic fans, I actually went to a game. In Dortmund. I actually went to the city of Dortmund, and I actually had a ticket to the Borussia Dortmund vs. Tottenham game, and I actually went to the stadium, and I actually sat in a seat, and my eyes actually took in the game and the Yellow Wall and the fanfare and all of it.

But, of course, Dortmund lost. And Pulisic didn't play.

Luckily Pulisic was back for the Revierderby against Schalke, as evidenced here:
👇 Hier ist der Beweis! #LTpic.twitter.…

Leverkusen vs. Dortmund Preview: Pulisic is Due

Tomorrow is the day Dortmund are finally going to turn it all around. Why? Because Peter Bosz is basically going to get sacked no matter what, because nobody expects anything from Dortmund anymore, because people expect the world out of Bayer Leverkusen given their record at home, and for a number of other reasons. And I might as well give you those reasons: Gotze is out injured, Aubameyang is going to miss the game with a red card, Marc Bartra apparently doesn't know how to play defense, and Dortmund has played horrible second halves lately while Bayer have played incredible second halves. I think that's about it.

All of this has coincided with what one article called a "curse" for Pulisic that's existed since the US failed to qualify for the World Cup. I have just one thing to say about that: Fuck the World Cup. For now. The US was such a bad team, with so many underperforming players, that it was awful to watch them and they didn't deserve to go to the Wo…