Skip to main content

Will Pulisic start against Apoel Nicosia? and a (fake) quote from Kim Jong Un

Hello all,

And welcome to the Christian Pulisic Show, aka life. If you've ever watched Christian Pulisic play soccer you've realized the following is pretty much true: It's Christian Pulisic's world; we're just living in it.

ANYWAY, I'm here today to talk to you about the upcoming match between BVB and Apoel Nicosia tomorrow. Last time I checked this game had massive worldwide implications, and not just for soccer. It has been reported (it has not been reported in any way) that if Christian Pulisic scores, Kim Jong Un will "dismantle all nuclear weapons and throw a party in which he will sacrifice a goat."

"Also, I'll let Americans come to North Korea visa free," he added.

Meanwhile, Donald Trump tweeted (he absolutely did not tweet), "If Peter Bosz doesn't start Pulisic tomorrow I'm going to talk to Merkel about getting him extradited to the Netherlands. Or maybe to the US so we can take him down to Guantanamo."

Trump was later spotted attempting to do the Macarena.

In all seriousness, Pulisic should start tomorrow, since he didn't start against Leipzig, and that's seemed to have been Bosz's MO, i.e. a little round robin with Maximilian Philipp, Yarmolenko, and our boi. I understand Bosz's conundrum given the dearth of talent, but at some point it's gonna be like, Hey, brother, make up your Dutch-ass mind.

Dortmund are in Cyprus training right now, as evidenced by these photos. ESPN published an article talking about how questions are being asked about Bosz's defensive strategies, and rightfully so. Dortmund has failed so far in any real test, be it in the Bundesliga or in Champions League. They need to win tomorrow to show they're not complete failures, but a win tomorrow won't prove much. To really prove themselves they need to beat Bayern on November 4th and/or Tottenham at home on November 21st. Fail in these contests and Dortmund will be exposed for what they might really be: a slightly-above-average team.

But obviously any team with CP ain't gonna be just slightly above average.

Predictions for tomorrow: Pulisic, Auba and Philipp up top. Kagawa in the midfield somewhere. Toljan getting a chance for redemption in the back.

Score: 2-1 Dortmund. Pulisic with an assist.

Los geht's.


Popular posts from this blog

Leverkusen vs. Dortmund Preview: Pulisic is Due

Tomorrow is the day Dortmund are finally going to turn it all around. Why? Because Peter Bosz is basically going to get sacked no matter what, because nobody expects anything from Dortmund anymore, because people expect the world out of Bayer Leverkusen given their record at home, and for a number of other reasons. And I might as well give you those reasons: Gotze is out injured, Aubameyang is going to miss the game with a red card, Marc Bartra apparently doesn't know how to play defense, and Dortmund has played horrible second halves lately while Bayer have played incredible second halves. I think that's about it.

All of this has coincided with what one article called a "curse" for Pulisic that's existed since the US failed to qualify for the World Cup. I have just one thing to say about that: Fuck the World Cup. For now. The US was such a bad team, with so many underperforming players, that it was awful to watch them and they didn't deserve to go to the Wo…

Christian Pulisic's Christmas Present to the World

It's 3:52pm here in Western Washington State, and I'm wondering: What the hell am I going to do for the next THREE WEEKS until I get to watch Pulisic and Borussia Dortmund again.

Well, I figure only a week of it will be really bad. For example, tomorrow is El clásico, Sunday I need to do some more Xmas shopping, then there's Xmas Eve and Xmas, I work the day after Xmas a bit, then a few down days, and.....Jesus, OK it's gonna be at least two tough weeks. Which is why I might have to get the hell out of dodge again.  Maybe go down to MEH-hee-ko.

But enough about me. It's time to look back on the first half of the Hinrunde.

It all started with this:

Jesus. One of the finer strikes of the season. Also, what a beautiful from (I think) Zagadou. And what a beautiful first touch from Aubameyang. Oh, how I long for the days of August. When the air was warm and the girls were walking around wearing basically nothing. Back when I was young and innocent.

Christian didn't…

Pulisic needs to score, I need to get a job

Hi, friends. I'm tired. I flew back from Germany the other day and am still adjusting. I saw Pulisic in person at the Dortmund Mainz game, in Mainz. It was incredible. He was about 40 feet away from me. And then Dortmund won.
Here's Pulisic knifing through four defenders and slipping Kagawa into the box for a great chance — Scuffed (@zlebmada) December 6, 2017

And tomorrow, of course, Dortmund play Hoffenheim at home. I wrote a preview for this game on Fear the Wall and I'm a little ashamed of it. Feel like I was trying too hard. But that's natural when you just start writing for a publication. You want to impress. And in my case, you want people to laugh. The key is to not try TOO hard.

I will also be tweeting the game for Fear the Wall tomorrow if any of you would like to follow along.

But wow, Christian Pulisic. US male soccer player of the year! Not that there was anyone else remotely in the runnings. I would be curious to know who the o…