The Christian Pulisic Blog

Embed from Getty Images  Hello Pulisic Fans, And hello Josh Sargent fans, too. If you're a Pulisic fan, and you're American, you're probably also a Josh Sargent fan. You'd have to be a fool not to be. Josh Sargent is a man-beast from Missouri who likes nothing other than to have red hair and score goals. His trademark celebration is something at the same time badass, at the same time simple, and at the same time unequivocally American: the salute. [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJKMkOsC9_o] Wait, why did you just pass me the ball? Josh seems to be saying in this video. And then: I'm going to punish you. And then: I'm going to salute the crowd. And then: Tim Weah and I are going to hug and think about what a bright future the USMNT has, a future not marred by the presence of Michael Bradley, a future in which games against teams from small Caribbean islands will not be taken for granted, a future in which the US excels. But let's talk abou...

I know what a lot of you are thinking. You're thinking: Damn, cha boi hasn't scored in a bit. I mean, yeah, he scored against Stuttgart a couple games ago, but that doesn't really count because he wasn't trying. When he gonna do one a dem goals where he dice dem fools den put dee ball in dee back o' dee net? And I'm like, totally. But let's also be honest: Christian Pulisic, as his mortal name goes, hasn't really ever done one of dem goals where he dices fools up and beats a bunch of people and then puts the ball in the back of the net. Usually, after he dices fools, he passes, or misses. But one day, ONE DAY, that slice and dice, amazing dribble run goal will happen. It's the law of averages. It's Murphy's Law. It's the law of attrition. It's the long arm of the law. And maybe -- maybe -- it will happen today against Bayer Leverkusen. I'm not going to lie to you folks because, even though I lie constantly, I rarely like...

Man, Dortmund goes on international break, I can't watch Pulisic for two weeks, and my life goes to shambles. A few things that happened (note: Not all are bad. I mean, I'm chilling in Europe. Last night I walked around mildly drunk on rosé in a town known for its medicinal spring waters): 1) Dortmund loses to Bayern Munich and goes on international break 2) I fly to Copenhagen two days later, spend a shit ton of money and smoke a shit ton of cigarettes and drink a shit ton of beers. I try to touch the leg of the girl I'm staying with who, at least at one point, I was pretty sure liked me, and she says, "What are you doing?" 3) Had dinner with ex-girlfriend in Berlin 4) Slept in same bed as different ex-girlfriend in Berlin (nothing happened. I must note here that this girl is awesome and I'm so glad we've rekindled our friendship. The few days with her and her brother in Berlin have been the best part of this trip by far). 5) Took a bus to Prag...