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The Hour is Nigh: Preview Borussia Mönchengladbach vs Chelsea

The first thing we need to talk about is the name "Mönchengladbach." I'm no German scholar, though I am actually a bit because I've studied German to the B2 level and have spent a fair amount of time in the Motherland. I also dated a German girl, though we won't talk about that. Let's just say it ended with me fleeing to Hamburg and possible the employment of the word "cowardice."

Mönchengladbach. Really rolls off the tongue, doesn't it, like the way things would roll off your tongue if you'd been gagged or had a sock jammed in your mouth (we're no longer talking about the German girl). The word "bach" means "stream" in German but that's about all I've been able to decipher of this daunting nomenclature. I like to think it means something along the lines of "stream munching." I am (not?) a linguist.

What do we need to know about BM? Does Fabian Johnson still play for them? Maybe. I'm too lazy to Google it. Basically they're a middle of the road Bundesliga outfit, so Chelsea should trounce them. But I doubt they will. Chelsea's defense has lately looked, to say the least bit....

...

(...)

...unorganized.

This is Chelsea's last friendly before playing a team called Manchester United (sp?) in their first game of the Premier League. So while not mattering at all, it kind of matters a ton. This is the last Frank Lampard will see of the boys before making final decisions before August 11th (remember, remember). Which, for Cha, or our, Boi, that means his last chance to impress and maybe secure a spot in the starting lineup. Or maybe he'll have a bad game and Mason Mount will score six goals. I'm now SORT OF a Chelsea fan, so I wouldn't mind if this happened. But I'd be way more stoked if Cha Boi scored, or even just got an assist, or even just nutmegged Fabian Johnson.

I got nutmegged last night.

It was humiliating.

(Insert Twitter post that would make this post way more eye catching).

As is the case with my predictions, I'm not going to predict much. I predict Chelsea will win, but that's about it. I predict Oliveeeeeer Giroud will get more playing time. And so will maybe Mason Mount.

I predict Pulisic will be stoked to be back in Germany.

Of that much I'm certain.

Auf geht's, Blues!

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