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Is Florian Kohfeldt Clinically Insane?

Question: How many of you wake up in the morning wondering the following: Is Florian Kohfeldt clinically insane? I say this because he's seemed to take a very disturbing stance. That stance is, "I have one of the best strikers in the world, the best American striker to have ever lived, and thus access to THE biggest emerging market in football, and yet...I'm not going to play him. And not only am I not going to play him...I'm going to the taunt the world with the prospect that I will play him, only to continually back out at the last second."

And so, I ask again: Is Florian Kohfeldt clinically insane?

I wanted to move to Bremen. Before I came to Vienna, Austria, on an unseasonably warm day back in October, I actually wanted to go to Bremen. And the reason I want to go to Bremen was simple: Josh Sargent. But then I started looking for language schools. And I couldn't find any (or at least any that sounded good). So I gave up on the idea of going to Bremen, and started thinking about elswhere. For whatever reason the city of Vienna caught my eye, and now here I am, a month later, sitting in an apartment in the 16th (I think it's the 16th district), sipping detox tea, listening to the Game of Thrones soundtrack, and writing a blog post dedicated to Josh Sargent on a blog dedicated to Christian Pulisic.

I won't bore you with too many details of what my life has been like since I've arrived in Vienna. I will say that at the beginning it was tumultous. But I wanted it to be tumultuous. Realize this: Everything in life (almost everything in life) happens because you want it to happen. Or maybe let me rephrase that. Yes, should probably rephrase that. This next one is true: Everything you feel in life you feel because you want to feel it.

And this brings me back to Josh Sargent. Or actually it doesn't, but I really wish it did, because then this blog post would have a nice narrative arc. The only thing I can say about Josh Sargent, and Florian Kohfeldt, and the future of Werder Bremen and possibly the world, is this: Josh Sargent needs to debut against Mainz on Sunday. It needs to happen. If it doesn't happen, Werder is going to sink to the bottom of the table faster than the weed stocks I bought a few weeks ago.

Speaking of narrative arcs, I went bowling the other day. I bowled something like a 130 the first time and thought about putting my head into the ball dispenser machine to see if it might get stuck and put me out of my misery. But then I changed to a nine pound ball. That's right, folks, nine pounds. My fingers could barely fit in the holes (that's that she/he/it said). But guess what?

Sorry, I don't know why I started talking about bowling. I don't really care about bowling. I had a coke that night. That was nice.

Anyway, the point of this blog post is good. Listen to the Game of Thrones sountrack, drink detox tea, follow your goddamn heard, and FLORIAN KOHFELDT, TAKE YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR BUTTHOLE.

That is all. 

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