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Guns Blazing: Dortmund vs. Bayer Leverkusen Match Preview

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 Before we talk about tomorrow's showdown between Borussia Dortmund and Bayer Leverkusen, can we do one thing? Can we talk about how happy Christian Pulisic looks in the above picture? Look at him, sitting on the grass, wedged between Axel Witsel and Thomas Delaney. Look at the tattoo of a tiger on his forearm. Look at the fact that his entire left arm is tattooed, despite the fact he's only 20 years old. And of course look at the fact that he's 20, when just a few scant weeks ago he was only 19. Our Hershey-grown boy is all grown up, it would seem. On his own on the perilous ride that is the most prestigious of German leagues, die Bundesliga. Dortmund and Bayer are both on a bit of a hot streak. Dortmund because they just beat Nurnberg 16,000 to 0, and Bayer because they've won two in a row, against Mainz and against newly-promoted Fortuna Dusseldorf. The game will certainly be a departure from what happened in the Dortmund Nurberg game, if you can even use the word "game." The game was like one those scenes in a movie, usually based in somewhere like Boston or Chicago or LA, where a guy gets in a fight and starts beating on the other guy until the other guy is far beyond conscious, until his face is a bloody pulp and he has to be pulled off him by one of his friends. I wouldn't exactly call it soccer. When Julian Weigl scores, it's probably not soccer. A 7-0 score is more reminiscent of the football we play on this side of the pond, the one where the defining the features are players with brain trauma and fans with well....brain trauma. This will certainly not be the case tomorrow against Bayer Leverkusen. If Dortmund want to win, they'll have to contain (excuse me while I figure out who Bayer's strikers are; don't they have a Jamaican guy?) Leon Bailey and also maybe Julian Brandt. I say "maybe" Julian Brandt because I expected him to be a cracker at the World Cup, but then I realized he's actually only seven years old and probably somehow doctored his birth certificate to be able to play in the Bundesliga. I'd give him at least six years before he has to shave. That said, the kid's dangerous. He could light up the pitch against BVB tomorrow. If Dortmund want to win they'll have to do the following: 1) Start Jacob Bruun Larsen again, and probably keep starting him until he's 60/the end of time. 2) Figure out what it means to have a midfield. Like last season, Dortmund seems to have trouble holding the ball using midfielders, often preferring to pass directly between defenders and forwards. 3) Figure out whether or not to start Lukas Pisczek. I love Piszu, but let's face it, he's almost as old as me. One of these days a younger guy like Hakimi will take over. I hope that day doesn't need to happen soon, I sincerely don't. But if it doesn't happen this season, it surely will the next. In case you didn't know, Leverkusen, Germany is just south of Dusseldorf, which is just southwest of Dortmund. Which means the cities are not far apart. Which means there will probably be a lot of Dortmund supporters in the stands. I predict, unfortunately, a 2-2 draw. I'd like to say Dortmund will win but I also like to go with my gut, and my gut says 2-2. I think there's a very, very, very, very, very good chance Christian Pulisic will score again. I think there's a good chance the goal will be spectacular. I think there's a good chance that if this happens I'll rip my shirt off and run into the cul-de-sac screaming, possibly followed by a set of pushups on the ground. Tomorrow, 9:30am PDT. Set your alarms. Make sure you've had a good breakfast. Cha boi, and the rest of Dortmund, are going into battle.

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